The measuring of love and friendship

Casey50, 4/02/2010 wrote:I knew someone who wanted the first words at her funeral to read:
"If anyone has not visited me in the last year, Please leave now."
But it was not said at her funeral.
Pity really.

Glad it wasn't. I don't believe there is much of a connection between the quality of love or friendship, and the frequency of communication. I have dear but distant friends with whom we can pick up where we left off even after years. I know other people who talk regularly to their friends or family from a sense of obligation or other motive that may have little to do with love or friendship.

Once I knew a couple who were always holding hands and doing things together, except when he was with his mistress, so even the expression of affection is not necessarily an accurate measure of love.

[(Dead person) was great and did (good things) ]

relict wrote:

Casey50, 4/02/2010 wrote:I knew someone who wanted the first words at her funeral to read:
"If anyone has not visited me in the last year, Please leave now."
But it was not said at her funeral.
Pity really.

Glad it wasn't. I don't believe there is much of a connection between the quality of love or friendship, and the frequency of communication. I have dear but distant friends with whom we can pick up where we left off even after years. I know other people who talk regularly to their friends or family from a sense of obligation or other motive that may have little to do with love or friendship.

Once I knew a couple who were always holding hands and doing things together, except when he was with his mistress, so even the expression of affection is not necessarily an accurate measure of love.

[(Dead person) was great and did (good things) ]

This is another question... does the existence of a mistress preclude true and deep love and affection for the "official" significant other?

I say no... I was thinking about giving a eulogy for my Dad yesterday (he's alive and well) and I thought "Dad really loves women... all women". I think it is this instant love that has caused him to be such a philanderer... but I don't think it meant he loved my mother any less at the time.

Blank

Psalter wrote:This is another question... does the existence of a mistress preclude true and deep love and affection for the "official" significant other?

I was wondering if I'd get picked up on that. For the case in point, the display of affection was definitely just a show - something I didn't find out about until later. It was an example where there was a particularly high cost to people finding out.

An affair certainly doesn't imply no love. But it might never be possible to have one with a certainty that one's existing partner would not be hurt. That's not an answer to your exact question, but I prefer it that way.
(For an exact answer, we'd have to reach a mutual definition of 'true love'.)