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    The definition of stupidity

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    flat_tack
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    The definition of stupidity

    Post  flat_tack on Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:06 pm

    Doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results.

    I'm stupid, by my own definition, it seems.

    Problem is, I don't know how to change. Problem is, I don't know if I want to.
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    Psalter
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  Psalter on Fri Sep 11, 2009 10:17 am

    See, this is kind of where my post was heading... it's a strange thing about humanity... especially when applied to one's-self. You would imagine that we would hold ourselves to the highest of personal standards, yet we don't really seem to follow up on it.

    I honestly wonder why.
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    flat_tack
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  flat_tack on Fri Sep 11, 2009 12:52 pm

    I thought it might have been, but it seemed to take a turn.

    I had a "moment" last night. All yesterday my partner was in a horrible mood because he felt unmotivated - couldn't bring himself to care about his goals or ... anything really. Didn't take it out on me or anything, but by 7pm I was in a similar mood, brought down by his. Happens a lot (or vice versa), with the end result being a couple of resentful people firing insults at each other, half meant. The sort of things that piss you off when you're in a bad mood, but you are, at worst, happy to ignore in a better mood. (Like how friggin hard he hits the keys when he types, haha).

    We talk about it. We know what's wrong, and we've a good idea how to fix it. Yet it still happens.

    Stupid.

    He and I have a lot of introspective discussions together, lasting hours and almost on a daily basis. Sometimes I think we talk more than any other couple on the face of the planet. It helps an awful lot in our understanding of what makes the other person tick and how things that seem irrelevant to one are huge to the other and we can make concessions.

    I'll confess, I'm not as understanding or helpful as I"d like to be and am prone to flying off the handle at the drop of a hat (woohoo! two cliches in one sentence!) due to hormones (I'm due to have a baby near the end of next month).

    Last night I got really frustrated with myself. I know it was my response to his mood, not his mood itself (which had nothing to do with me) that had me at first sullen and taking it personally then sparked the later slinging match. It's not the first time I've done that. Probably won't be the last.

    It's still stupid.
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    flat_tack
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  flat_tack on Fri Sep 11, 2009 12:58 pm

    As to the why...

    Change is difficult, I guess. And it's also difficult to admit fault - so much easier to blame the behaviour of others when it is in fact your response to their behaviour that marks how you are as a person.

    Probably many other reasons I've yet to think of.
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    Bardan
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    Emotional independence

    Post  Bardan on Fri Mar 19, 2010 11:04 am

    Sorry you didn't get more feedback here on what is a very universal theme in life. Especially so for those who are conscious of how few new things there are under the sun, how often we all fall into the same patterns in our relationships. Strange to say, the lack of feedback is probably an indication that you're more self-aware than the average punter, not less, even to be raising this issue.

    The philosophy of the matter, I think, is that, all hormones being heald as an algebraic constant, your emotional independence has been traded in for a relationship. Like a cop handing in his gun and his badge upon retirement, when you retire from being single your emotional independence becomes check-in luggage for the duration of the flight.

    Yeah, I mixed metaphores mid-stream. But it still works right?

    Nothing to add really on what you say about change. It's hard. It's worth it. Old habits die hard deaths. I think you need to get there through open and honest dialogue and because the stakes are higher you only need to be better at doing that with your partner and yourself than in the more trivial cases of life change.

    Hope things worked out for you?
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    woody67
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  woody67 on Fri Mar 19, 2010 6:17 pm

    Whoa i think your being a bit hard on yourself flatack....I can respond to my partners mood and he pisses me off with how slowly he turns into our driveway ! .....But I have realised that at times when I feel we are having the same ground hog day arguement when I look back I realise it has evolved and that although about the same thing we have sorted some of it and then have moved it on to another level.

    So I spose what I'm saying is that your not stupid ,your a human being in a relationship and I don't think there would many that could honestly say they havn't used their partner as a whipping boy at some stage.......
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    flat_tack
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  flat_tack on Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:19 pm

    woody67 wrote:

    So I spose what I'm saying is that your not stupid ,your a human being in a relationship and I don't think there would many that could honestly say they havn't used their partner as a whipping boy at some stage.......

    Of course I know that. But just cause it's common to use your (not specifically you, you know that) partner as a whipping boy, doesn't mean it's something I should let myself away with, or even to write it off as just one of those things that happen. I love him too much to let it go unattended.

    He does understand, however, and it is a mutual feeling.

    And it happens these days far less, as the "algebraic constant" is... a little more constant these days Embarassed

    Things have worked out, though it was never an endgame issue.
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    flat_tack
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  flat_tack on Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:20 pm

    He means: if you didn't have to take hormones into account, not that they don't have an affect.

    You could translate as hormones aside, the big picture is that it's now impossible for your moods to only affect you.
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    Bardan
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    Re: The definition of stupidity

    Post  Bardan on Sat Mar 20, 2010 5:10 pm

    Ceteris paribus, from the Latin. Economists are always employing this concept of holding some variables constant so that we can see relationships between others.

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